Chapter One: A Letter Addressed to the Mario Bros.
It was a brilliant day in the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario was busy eating his breakfast (lasagna) when he heard his mailbox go *ding*. He opened the door and checked his mailbox. Inside was a letter! (Well, isn't that what mailboxes have inside them?) Mario went back inside to see Luigi eating the last bite of his lasagna.
"Luigi! That was my lasagna!" Mario yelled.
"Hey, you weren't here, so I figured it was mine," Luigi replied.
"Oh yeah, let's read this letter," Mario said. Mario and Luigi opened the letter. It said:
Dear Mario Bros.,
I invite you on a quest to help me find the Ultimate Amulet. It is an artifact of great power that could be used to destroy the universe if it fell into the wrong hands. If you would like to join me, please visit the Mushroom Border at 6:00 AM tomorrow morning.
Sincerely, Mr. D. Dimmington
P.S. This is not a trick by King Bowser Koopa, Sr.
"Hmm, this letter seems very suspicious," Mario said to his brother.
"Yes, verily," Luigi replied.
"But still, what if Bowser got a hold of that amulet? The whole universe would be doomed!" Mario said.
"Poor Lubba..." Luigi muttered under his breath.
"Come on, Luigi! Let's have cannoli courage! Let's go find that amulet!" Mario said courageously.
"Okey-dokey!" Luigi replied. And so, the two Mario Brothers left their house to the Mushroom Border to meet this "D. Dimmington" fellow.
"Hey, wait a second!" Mario said. "It's not 6:00 AM tomorrow yet!"
"Oh yeah! Let's go buy more lasagna," Luigi suggested.
"Okay!" Mario said. And so, the two Mario Brothers turned around and headed to Bob's Grocery to buy some lasagna.
As Mario and Luigi went to sleep that night, they had wild dreams. Mario dreamt that Bowser got a hold of the Ultimate Amulet. He was about to destroy the universe...but it was out of batteries! Luigi dreamt that he ate a sunflower seed. Then, he drank some water. However, the seed turned into Petey Piranha and it ate him from the inside!
The next morning, at 5:00 AM, Mario and Luigi awoke to eat their 16 boxes of lasagna they had been cooking since the night before. They were so plump, almost as plump as Wario after eating the lasagna. So, slowly, they made their way to the Mushroom Border.
"Boy, am I full!" Mario said.
"Ja, me too!" Luigi replied.
"Hmm, I wonder who this D. Dimmington fellow is?" Mario said.
"Uh, who?" Luigi asked.
"You know, the guy who sent us the letter!" Mario replied.
"Oh yeah." Eventually, Mario and Luigi arrived at the Mushroom Border. "Hey, where is this 'D. Dimmington' guy, anyways?" Luigi asked. "It's already 5:59 AM!"
Mario said, "Weird." So, Mario and Luigi turned around to look at the beautiful view of Toad Town. Then, Luigi's watch rang. It read 6:00 AM. They turned around, and saw a weird clown-looking guy dressed in a purple and black suit.
"Good morning, gentlemen. The name is Di -- err, I meant, D. Dimmington. I like to keep my first name a secret, if you don't mind," Dimmington said.
"Oh, that's perfectly fine with me. But I'm not sure about Luigi here..."
"Oh, that's fine with me," Luigi said.
"All right then! I have a map here with me. According to rumours, the Ultimate Amulet is located here, in Angry Aztec," Dimmington announced.
"Hey, isn't that on Donkey Kong Island?" Mario asked.
"Precisely. And I've heard that a vicious race of ape-gorillas live on that island, protecting that amulet whether they know about it or not. But, we must go find that amulet in case a certain turtle or crocodile get a hold of it."
"Right!" Luigi said.
"Tally-ho!" Dimmington yelled out. So, the Mario Bros. and D. Dimmington embarked on their journey to find the Ultimate Amulet. Unbeknownst to the three, however, were a group of 5 characters, watching, listening to their every word...
Chapter Three: The Great Ga-Hooligan Gather (Is this the End for Our Adventurers?)
Mario, Luigi, and D. Dimmington had made their way across the Great Desert that Always Seemed to Become World 2. Of course, the scorching heat made them take a detour to Ice Land so they could cool off. Unbeknownst to them, though, was that D. Dimmington PURPOSELY led them to the Gap of Ga-Hooligan.
"Oh, Luigi, where is Ice Land, anyways?" Mario asked his brother.
"I don't know, but I know it ain't south," Luigi replied.
"Oh, don't worry, good fellows. I am quite sure that Ice Land is this way, towards that great canyon rather than in the other direction, towards that big chunk of ice you see there," Mr. D. Dimmington told his fellow adventurers.
"Oh, okay. Thanks for bringing us to Ice Land, Mr. Dimmington sir!" Luigi thanked D. Dimmington.
"Oh, please. That's what every adventure guide should do, hm?" D. Dimmington replied to Luigi's thanks.
"Wow, this guy has better manners than we thought, Mario," Luigi whispered to Mario. Eventually, the 3 adventurers made it to this great canyon that D. Dimmington called "Ice Land". "Whoa, look at this steep drop. How would anyone survive this?" Luigi asked, cowardly.
"Why don't we take the elevator then, good Luigi fellow?" D. Dimmington asked, pointing to the high-tech elevator not far to the side. So, the 3 walked towards the elevator. But, D. Dimmington, using his evil magic, pushed Mario and Luigi off the edge...and towards spiked stalagmites!!!
"MAMA MIA!!! WE'RE DOOMED!!!" the plummetting Mario Bros. yelled out!
"Yes... Yes... Almost... Come on... Plummet faster..." D. Dimmington whispered to himself.
"You know, Luigi, there's something I've always wanted to tell you..."
"What?"
"You know your role model, Mozart, right?"
"Yeah."
"...He's actually alive."
"WHAT?! Ya tricked me! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"
"Oh, come on, Luigi, don't be a crybaby!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Wait, keep crying! Your tears are slowing us down!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH YAY WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"What?! Their tears are slowing their fall! Darn it all... Why are those Mario Bros. always foiling my plans?! Why, the last time they foiled my plans in Su..." D. Dimmington stopped. "Now, now, readers, why would I let you all know my secret identity? WAHAHAHAHA!" D. Dimminton took the elevator down.
"That was a close one, huh, Luigi?" Mario asked.
"Ja," Luigi replied. At that moment, D. Dimmington ran out of the elevator.
"Good heavens! That was quite a fall! Are you both alright?" D. Dimmington asked his fellow adventurers.
"Ja," they replied.
"I've heard that the wind up there is really quite strong. Oh, we've almost made it to our hotel, here in Ice Land."
"We're here already?" Mario asked.
"Wow, it sure has changed since our last visit," Luigi said.
"Come now. The hotel is over there, in that colosseum-looking building. I have to catch up on some paperwork."
"What paperwork?" Mario asked Dimmington.
"Oh, just adventure guide stuff."
"Oh, that's fine. Come on, Luigi. I hope they have lasagna at this hotel!" Mario said, pulling his brother along.
"Hehehe. Little do those two idiots know, that colosseum is where they're holding the Great Ga-Hooligan Gather. Just so you know, readers, Ga-Hooligans are large, primitive tribe creatures that eat invaders ALIVE. They hold a great contest of strength among the males known as the Great Ga-Hooligan Gather in that there colosseum once a year. They hold big feasts, too...which include of silly tours coming here to catch a glimpse of the Great Ga-Hooligan Gather! WAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Mario and Luigi entered the colosseum.
"Uh, Luigi, I don't see any front desk here," Mario said.
"Me neither," Luigi said.
"Hey, look. Doors!" Mario said.
"Let's go in," Luigi replied. So, Mario and Luigi entered through the doors to find themselves about to be crushed by 2 Ga-Hooligans!
"Watch out, Luigi!" Mario and Luigi ran off to the side, narrowly avoiding being crushed. Then, the whole audience gasped, and they got out of their seats, trying to catch and eat the Mario Bros.!
"Um, Mario, methinks they're going to try to eat us."
"What makes you think that?"
"These things are Ga-Hooligans, and they eat any invaders to their home ALIVE!!!"
"Mama mia!" The two Mario Bros. ran for their lives, only to be stopped by a Ga-Hooligan.
"No no no no no no! Don't eat me! I'm a-Luigi, number a-one!"
"Don't eat me! It's a-me, Mario!"
"Oh?" the Ga-Hooligan said. Then it turned to the audience members and said, "These Mario Brothers. They famous protectors of kingdom. We hold joyful feast for them!"
"OK!" the audience said back to the Ga-Hooligan.
"Me Gary. Me protect you, OK?" Gary said to the Mario Bros.
"Okey-dokey!" they replied to Gary.
Later that night, they held a gigantic feast of lasagna just for Mario and Luigi. Mario and Luigi also got to sleep in the VIP room...on a bed that was bigger than their house!
"This is the good life, huh, Luigi?"
"Yup. G'night."
Outside, D. Dimmington was busy listening for Mario and Luigi's screams of death as they were being eaten alive, which they weren't.
"Where are those two idiots' screams of death?! I must go and investigate!" So, Mr. D. Dimmington entered the colosseum. After searching the whole colosseum and being chased by countless Ga-Hooligans, D. Dimmington eventually arrived at the VIP room. "So, they must be in here," he thought to himself. "The Ga-Hooligans must've realized that these 2 idiots were the Mario Bros., protectors of the Mushroom Kingdom, and thus, friends. Well, I'll have to crash their party by killing them in their sleep. Oh, and just so you know, I knew all that by reading the last 2 paragraphs. WAHAHAHA!!!!" At that, Mario and Luigi woke up, not to mention Gary and all the other Ga-Hooligans that were sleeping. "Whoopsies." Gary blasted Dimmington out of his Ga-Hooliga-Zooka and sent him flying to the real Ice Land!
"What was that, Gary?" Mario asked the Ga-Hooligan.
"Oh, just a tiny pest. Nothing important," Gary replied.
"Oh, OK. G'night."
The next morning, Mario and Luigi ate more lasagna and bid farewell to their Ga-Hooligan buddies.
"Those guys were pretty nice, huh, Mario?"
"Yup. We should come here more often." Then, the Mario Bros. noticed D. Dimmington, who was apparently working on his paperwork all night.
"Why, Mario Bros.! Good morning and great timing! I just finished my paperwork! Now we can take a move on and head towards Ice Land. Pip pip and tally-ho!" D. Dimmington said. And so, the 3 adventurers rode the elevator back up to ground level, and they were quite unaware of the 5 shady characters who were riding on top of the elevator the whole time...
"Blargle-schnoft!"
"Shh! Be quiet, or they'll hear us, fool!"
"Yeah. Do not have burps, or an awesome spy will be you!"
"SHHHH!!!"
Mario, Luigi, and Mr. D. Dimmington had just returned to the crossroads and, this time, headed towards the giant chunk of ice they had seen earlier.
"I'm sorry, Mario Bros., but I had my map upside down, so I thought that the giant chunk of ice was the Gap of Ga-Hooligan and that canyon was Ice Land. Pardon me for making that completely idiotic mistake," Dimmington said to Mario and Luigi.
"Oh, that's OK. As long as they have lasagna, I'm completely fine!" Mario said, licking his lips and rubbing his stomach.
"That's so typical of Mario..." Luigi muttered quietly. Eventually, the 3 had made it to the ice-cold, below-freezing, super chilly chunk of ice known as Ice Land.
"Well, we're here. Please make yourself at home, hehe..." D. Dimmington said, stretching out his hands as if to say "voila".
"Ah, it's been 21 years since we were here last? Pretty different now, huh?" Mario asked his younger twin brother.
"Ja. Especially since it was 16-bit back then, but now it's 128-bit now!" Luigi said, nudging Mario. As the 2 continued walking, D. Dimmington watched, as they almost walked into his trap.
"You see, readers, with a push of this here button on my remote control, I can cause that gigantic ice cube to drop and crush the Mario Bros. What they did to ruin my plan to destroy all worlds... Oh, they'll rue the day they ever did that!" But at that, some characters grabbed Dimmington and tied him up with rope. He dropped his remote control and slid several metres away. "What do you think you're doing?!"
"Prepare for trouble."
"Make it quintuple."
"To steal all the riches and make a living!"
"We only take, we don't think about giving!"
"I may be fat, but I'm made of muscle!"
"I may be skinny, but let's tussle!"
"Wario!"
"Waluigi!"
"Us 5 will find that Ultimate Amulet!"
"We'll destroy the world...and whatever rhymes with amulet!"
"Blingle-schnoff!"
"Wehehehehe!"
"I HAVE CHORTLES!"
"What do you 5 clowns want with me?! I am nothing but an evil clown jester! Don't make me use my dark magic I learned while writing the Dark--"
"Enough o' the small talk! Tell us where the Ultimate Amulet is!"
"I won't speak!"
"Fine then. Let's just leave him here to freeze. Let's go."
"Rallll!"
"What is it, Petey? A remote control?"
"Weird."
"Wanna press the big red button?"
"Nah."
"Wait! We must press it! Perhaps it will make the Ultimate Amulet appear? The clowny guy who now has fury at us, he was holding it like a sandwich of peanut butter an' jelly! He must've dropped it so we wouldn't get it, as if he were a greedy food hog! If we press us, a winner will be us!"
"Hey, great idea beany guy! Let's press it!" And so, the shady group of 5 pressed the big red button on the remote control...and were crushed by the gigantic ice cube that was Dimmington's trap.
"WAHAHAHA! So those 5 idiots thought they could outsmart me? Dimentio Dimmington? Ha! As if! Oh, and just so you know, I teleported out from those ropes' restraints. WAHAHAHA!"
Meanwhile, Mario and Luigi decided to visit the King of Ice Land.
"I hope he's chilling out. Ha!" Luigi joked. So, the Mario Bros. entered the Ice Castle and found...Baron Brrr, much to their surprise!
"Baron Brrr!" Mario said.
"Mario!" Baron Brrr replied. The two stared fiercely at each other, before Baron Brrr said, "How did you find me here? I thought that you were expecting me back in the Freezeflame Galaxy!"
"Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Baron, but me and Luigi here were on a quest to find the Ultimate Amulet. If it gets in the wrong hands, the whole universe could be destroyed!" Baron Brrr's attention peaked.
"Even the Freezeflame Galaxy?" he asked, timidly.
"Yup."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Guards, get old Pa back and running this land. I'm going with the Mario Bros. to make sure that the Freezeflame Galaxy doesn't get destroyed!"
"Roger that, sir Baron Brrr."
"PA! I'M GOING OUT!"
"'K."
"So, I'm joining ya. Pleasure to be on-board."
*fanfare*Baron Brrr joined your party! Baron Brrr can shoot ice at his enemies and can summon Brrr Bits at will!
"So, where is this Ultimate Amulet?" Baron Brrr asked his new partners.
"It's in the Angry Aztec, on Donkey Kong Island," Luigi said, all smart-aleck-like.
"Hey Luigi, where is D. Dimmington, anyways?"
"Who's that?" asked Baron Brrr.
"Oh, it's our tour guide," Mario replied. "So, Luigi?"
"Oh, he kind of slowed down when we arrived."
"Toodle-oo! I'm here!" Dimmington said, making a grand entrance to the castle.
"There he is! Mr. D. Dimmington!"
"Well! Good day, sir. The name is Baron Brrr. I came from the Freezeflame Galaxy to help my Pa rule Ice Land."
"Good day to you too, sir. I am Mr. D. Dimmington. I like to keep my first name classified. Is that fine with you?"
"If it's fine with you."
"Brilliant! Now we may continue on our quest to find the Ultimate Amulet with a new tour member! Welcome aboard!" And so, our 3 heroes, now accompanied by Baron Brrr, are setting out on their quest once again to find the Ultimate Amulet. That is... "Of course, we'll go AFTER we stay the night!"
Meanwhile, underneath the gigantic ice cube...
"I'm bored."
"I'm fat."
"If I could just teleport out of this predicament, I'd be away from you fools..."
"Blingle-blargle-woof!"
"I HAVE FURY AT WHOEVER DECIDED TO PRESS THAT BUTTON!!!"
P.S. Sorry for that oversight there. It should be fixed now.
Our 4 heroes, Mario, Luigi, D. Dimmington, and Baron Brrr, had just left Ice Land to continue their quest to keep the Ultimate Amulet out of evil's possession.
"Luigi, I'm hungry," Mario complained.
"Well, it's not my fault that you ate so much last night and didn't eat much for breakfast," Luigi reasoned.
"Mama mia... I really need to control my eating habits!" The group walked for hours and hours and hours through an empty wasteland, before they saw what looked like a port city ahead of them. "Hey, I see something up ahead!"
"Methinks it's a town!" Luigi replied.
"Gentlemen, I do believe that that is the port city of Rogueport. Do take caution; there are many thieves and pickpocketers in this city. Keep your precious belongings within your sights, or they may be swiped without your knowing!" Dimmington stated.
"Luckily, you'd freeze if ya touched me. HA!" Baron Brrr laughed. Eventually, the group made it to Rogueport. They decided to stop at the Rogueport Inn.
After hours of being lost, the group made it to the Rogueport Inn...
"OK, everyone. We will be staying overnight. After all, if we want to get to Donkey Kong Island within a day, we'd have to wake up extra early. So, I declare that you all go to sleep right now," D. Dimmington remarked.
"But why?" Luigi asked.
"Because," Dimmington started, "We have to wake up at 2:00 AM."
"Wow. That's pretty early, huh?" Mario asked.
"Yup," Baron Brrr replied.
"So! Pip pip! Tally-ho! Toodle-oo! Nighty night! G'night! Bye-bye!" Dimmington pushed them to their room and slammed the door on them. "Hehehe. Now I can kill them once they fall asleep! WAHAHAHA!!!"
"Hey, could ya be quiet? We're trying to get to sleep!" Baron Brrr yelled out.
"Uh, sorry!" Dimmington replied quietly.
"That's a lot better!" Luigi yelled. Fortunately for our heroes, Dimmington was feeling sleepy too, so he fell asleep right in front of the door.
Meanwhile, in the outskirts of town...
The shady group of 5 was slowly waddling their way to Rogueport.
"Waaahhhh... So tired... Let's go stop at the Inn..." Wario said.
"Yeaaahhhh... Ya got money?" Waluigi asked.
"...I've got 2 coins."
"WHAT?! Considering how much treasure you have, we'd expect ya to be rich!"
"Sorry, but I spent that all on my baseball stadium."
"Waaah..." Waluigi cried. "How 'bout you?"
"I've got...5 coins if one counts these 5 buttons," King Boo said. "How 'bout you?"
"Blingle-blingle-schnoff..." Petey Piranha replied, sadly.
"Waaahhh... Only 1 coin... How 'bout you, beany guy?"
"Me? Ha! I have no coins. But I do have Beanbean--" Fawful scoffed.
"Waahh, we don't want any of your Lima Bean Coins or whatever they are! We need coins! Grrrr!"
"Now we're as homeless as a pickle without a jar..."
The next morning...
"Ah, isn't it such a beautiful morning, Luigi?" Mario stretched and yawned.
"A-yup. Too bad I'm still so sleepy..."
"A-WA-WA-WA!!!"
"What is it, Baron Brrr?"
"WE'RE LATE!!! WE'LL NEVER GET TO DK ISLAND ON TIME!!!"
"Oh no, Luigi! He's right!"
"Mama mia like a pizza in a jar!"
"..."
"Sorry, that just kinda, y'know, came out." At that moment, Dimmington burst into the room.
"Oh, dearest me! We're all late sleepers today, hm? But that doesn't matter. We'll just...use this special paperwork that allows us to teleport out of this inn without needing to pay!" And at that, the group teleported out of the hotel and didn't even pay! "So... The docks are over there. We have to get there quickly. There is no excess time to waste!" So, Mario, then Luigi, then Baron Brrr, and finally D. Dimmington made their way to the docks... But they were closely trailed by the shady group o' 5! They grabbed Dimmington and took him into an alley. "What do you buffoons want?!"
"We want the Ultimate Amulet so we can infinitely create garlic and eggplants! Give it to us!"
"Unfortunately, I don't have it. It's in the Angry Aztec at Donkey Kong Island."
"Rats! Come, everyone. We'll have to get it before this weirdo does!" And so, the shady group left Dimmington in the alley and ditched him. The Mario Bros. and Baron Brrr later found him.
"Dimmington! You OK?"
"Why, I'm perfectly fine. Don't bother about me." He glanced at his watch. "Hm... It doesn't seem like we'll be able to make it to DK Island today. I guess we'll have to sleep outside tonight."
"Why?"
"Um, because we didn't pay, you weirdo Luigi-o!" Mario scolded.
"Mama mia like a pizza in a jar..."
"..."
"Whoops." And so, our 4 heroes decided to sleep outside in the alley. This time, they vowed to not wake up late. Dimmington also vowed to get his hands on the Ultimate Amulet before those "5 buffoons" did. And so, they slept...
Meanwhile, at the docks...
"What?! Ships are all sold out?! NO!!!" Wario fell onto his knees and banged the floor.
"Waaahhhh... Then we'll have to wait 'til tomorrow..." Waluigi fell forward.
"Why, if you fools weren't so slow..."
"Ralll, mwoof, pel...."
"Noo! Crushed like a potato should be mashed!"
Chapter Six: Sailing the Salty Seas...and a Special Guest Cameo!
Mario, Luigi, Dimmington, and Baron Brrr had just woken up. It was 1:35 AM.
"Wonderful! Everyone, we have the perfect launching time. If we leave the docks at this hour, we'll be able to make it to Donkey Kong Island in time for supper!" Dimmington announced.
"Yay! I love lasagna!" Mario said.
"That is, if we're lucky enough to have a boat to rent..." Dimmington frowned.
"Mama mia..." Luigi said, hands on his face.
"But, pip pip! We must make haste if we are to make it to the docks quickly! To the docks! Posthaste!" Dimmington pointed to the direction of the docks. And so, the 4 adventurers headed for the Rogueport docks.
Upon arrival, they noticed only one boat at the docks. It was a very large pirate ship-looking boat. They looked around for an attendant. There was no one in town.
"Oh well. I guess we'll just have to borrow this boat!" Dimmington shrugged.
"But what if the owner comes back and sees us take it? I have very bad luck, mind you!" Luigi said.
"Oh, all right then. The best for the customers, I suppose," Dimmington shrugged again. Then, they noticed a little green guy coming from the nearby building.
"Howdy!" the little green guy said. "Are you here to ride my boat?"
"Why, yes, certainly. The name is Mr. D. Dimmington, the guide of my humble tour. This is Mario and Luigi, protectors of the Mushroom Kingdom, and Baron Brrr, the ruler of Ice Land." The tour members waved. "And you are?"
"The name's Toon Link, proprietor of this ship. 'Tis named the S.S. Zelda. T'was once in the possession of a beautiful princess whom I can't find, so I've been sailing around the seven salty seas of the Mushroom World, looking for her. Unfortunately, I haven't any luck."
"Oh, really? Oh, right, about the ship ride. I was wondering if you could sail us to Donkey Kong Island? To the Angry Aztec?" Dimmington asked.
"Of course! Unfortunately, I can't take ya to the Angry Aztec directly, as that is in the middle of the island. But...what's in it for me?" Dimmington showed him a whole bag filled to the brim with coins.
"I've got at least 1500 coins in this bag. Is that enough?" Dimmington asked, shaking the bag a little, as if to lure Toon Link's greed out of a little crack in his heart.
"Erm... Yes... That is, em... Enough, yes..." Toon Link grabbed the bag of coins and stared at it, as if he were making sure it was real. "All righty then! Off to the seas! Everyone, please board the boat." Mario, Luigi, Baron Brrr, and D. Dimmington boarded the boat. Toon Link was about to board, too, but at that, 5 shady characters grabbed him and brought him off to an alley.
"What do you want from me?!" Toon Link asked.
"Are you taking those people to the Angry Aztec on Donkey Kong Island?" the fat one said.
"Uh, yes..." Toon Link replied, scared.
"Excellent! Let's a-go, Waluigi! The open sea calls for us!"
"Okey-dokey, Wario!" Waluigi replied. The 5 characters laughed. Then, they untied Toon Link and boarded the boat without Mario, Luigi, Baron Brrr, and Dimmington even noticing, though Mario did notice the boat was shaking as if someone boarded it, he saw that Toon Link had not boarded yet.
"Um, Toon Link! What seems to be the delay?" Dimmington asked.
"Oh, err, I was checking our food supply to see if it was enough for a 17-hour trip."
"Oh, why that's fine. The more the merrier!" Dimmington jollily replied. Then there was giggling in the barrels.
"Hehehe! The more the merrier, that's for sure!"
"Yeah, the more passengers the merrier! Hehehe!" Mario approached the barrels, with Luigi behind him and Baron Brrr, Dimmington, and Toon Link conversing. He stared at them for a few minutes.
Then, he yelled out, "WARIO!!! WALUIGI!!!" The duo jumped out of their barrels.
"Wah! How did you find us, Mario? Luigi?" The two asked.
"We heard the giggling, obviously."
"Mama mia..." the two mischief-makers cried out.
"Blargle-blingle-mwoof!"
"Be quiet, fool! Or Mario and arch-nemesis Luigi will find us!"
"PETEY PIRANHA!!! KING BOO!!!" Mario yelled out again. The two popped out of their barrels.
"Pel..."
"Bwah! How did you find us? We were perfectly disguised!" King Boo reasoned. "Oh, I blame this idiot of a Piranha Plant! Always giving us away with your unnecessary burping and barking! Grrr!"
"HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!!!" the last barrel chortled.
"A-ha!" Mario pointed at the barrel. "...FAWFUL!!!" Fawful came out of his barrel.
"W-wha? But I hid perfectly in this barrel, like a pickle in a jar! A pea in its pod! Some grass jelly in its can! But how? How? Why is it that the red and green mustaches I hate so always seem to ruin my perfectly-devised plans, like how quickly grass jelly can be slurped up! Now I have FURY!!!" Fawful's anger had reached its peak. Luckily, some of the ocean splashed on his face, cooling him down.
"Y'know, I recommend that y'all go to sleep now. Me, Mr. Dimmington here, and...you, ghost with the crown...we'll watch out and we'll wake y'all up if somethin' bad goes on, 'K?"
"'K," everyone replied but King Boo.
"Grrr..." King Boo mumbled. And so, our 4 friends, with a cameo by Toon Link, have now met up with the shady group of 5...now revealed to be Wario, Waluigi, Petey Piranha, King Boo, and Fawful. But, what could go wrong on the salty seas? Lots o' stuff!
It had been at least 2 hours since our heroes, Toon Link, and the shady group had left Rogueport. Now, they were sailing somewhere in the Salty Sea o' Salt. This ocean was saltier than any other place on the Mushroom World besides Mt. Salt.
"I'm bored of mopping the poop deck," Luigi sighed, putting one arm on his broom and the other on his chin. Mario rushed over.
"Luigi, you've gotta mop it!" Mario pointed into the sky. There was a Goonie, and then...it dropped something right onto the poop deck. "See? That's why you've gotta keep mopping the poop deck!"
"Oh, curse those darn Goonies! Grrr!" Luigi angrily shook his fist into the sky and kept mopping. Mario ran back over to his job in the kitchen.
"Mama mia! I burnt the Cream of Super Mushroom Soup!" Mario put his hands on his face. Baron Brrr, his assistant, came over to him.
"Err... How do ya burn soup?" He asked, as confuzzled as how Fawful is so quotable.
"Oh, I don't know. Ask the writer, Mario_Comix."
Up on the deck, Toon Link was busy steering his big wheel with Dimmington beside him.
"Pardon me, Captain, but how long do you think it will take to get us to Donkey Kong Island?" Dimmington asked.
"Oh, probably another 15 hours," Toon Link replied.
"But it's a 17-hour trip! How did you know that 2 hours had passed?" Dimmington was shocked.
Toon Link whispered, "Between you and me, I looked at the first sentence and found out that it had been 2 hours. Then, I subtracted that amount from whole trip's length, which I found out by reading the last chapter.
"Brilliant," Dimmington whispered back. Meanwhile, King Boo was busy up in the crow's nest, watching out for anything that could be dangerous.
Back in the main rooms, Waluigi, Petey Piranha, and Fawful were busy cleaning up a mess.
"Oh, for the love of eggplants..." Waluigi started, "Petey, stop vomitting goop! Not only do we have to clean up your mess, but we have to clean this already dirty ship!"
"Blingle-blargle," Petey Piranha barked, clutching his stomach.
"Stop being sea-sick, or a winner will be you!" Fawful stated before continuing his signature smile. Then, Petey barfed again.
"Mama mia..." Waluigi cried out.
Meanwhile, Wario was busy napping when he was supposed to be helping somebody else do his job.
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............." he busily snored.
Back in the crow's nest...
I don't see anything up ahead, King Boo thought to himself. Wait, what are those swirly things I see up ahead? They must be... "WHIRLPOOLS UP AHEAD!!!" King Boo yelled out.
"Oh, poopsie," Toon Link, quickly steering to the left.
"Wait, there are WAY more on the left!" King Boo yelled out. Toon Link steered 180 degrees to what would've been to the right.
"Oh, perfect timing. And we were making such great progress, too!" Dimmington stated, innocently. Then, he used his evil magic to create whirlpools...EVERYWHERE!!!
"Oh no, more over there! And over here, too! Wait, don't move...THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!" The, the ship started spinning and spinning and spinning! "Wait... THERE'S A WHIRLPOOL UNDERNEATH US!!!"
"Mama mia!" Luigi yelled out while still trying to clean up the poop deck.
"This is just like the Twisty Trials Galaxy!" Mario yelled out as his face flew right into his now-perfect Cream of Super Mushroom Soup.
"Oh, and it was just perfect-ized!" Baron Brrr said, upset. The ship was spinning...and spinning...and spinning... And then, the front started dipping into the sea!
"At this rate, the S.S. Zelda will be destroyed!" Toon Link screamed out.
"How horrible," Dimmington said. "Here, I'll gather everyone to the poop deck. Come, King Boo. You'll gather your buddies while I go gather my tour members." Then, Dimmington teleported to the Kitchen. No one noticed him teleport. "Mario, Baron! Get to the poop deck! You see, we've hit a whirlpool!"
"Luckily, this ain't Titanic so we won't hit an iceberg!" Mario said before getting out of the kitchen. King Boo teleported to Wario's room and woke him up, telling him to get to the poop deck. Then, he teleported to the washroom and went with his other 3 buddies to get to the poop deck. Toon Link stopped manning the wheel and ran to the poop deck himself.
"Luckily everyone, the S.S. Zelda is equipped with 2 lifeboats... Get in!" Toon Link pointed in the direction of the lifeboats and life jackets. Luckily, there was 10 life jackets, one for everyone. Wario, Waluigi, Petey Piranha, King Boo, and Fawful got in one lifeboat while Mario, Luigi, Baron Brrr, Toon Link, and Dimmington got in the other. They lowered their lifeboats into the sea and started paddling towards Donkey Kong Island. For some reason, all the whirlpools seemed to have disappeared during all the confusion. Using Dimmington's map, he led them in the direction of Donkey Kong Island...or so they thought. He really led them to the home of King K. Rool himself, K. Rool Island. But, after all, what could possibly go wrong on K. Rool Island?
"Generals! Get my Gangplank Galleon ready! We're going to Donkey Kong Island!"
"Why, good sir Rool?"
"Because! We're going to go take the Ultimate Amulet, a rare artifact that the Kongs have guarded for years! We could take over the universe if we unleashed its power! Hoo hoo hoo hoo hah!"
As everyone paddled in the direction that Dimentio led them too, dawn turned to morning, and eventually turned to afternoon.
"Mario, I'm tired of paddling. I'm weak, too. If you paddled, we'd be able to get there faster!" Luigi bargained with Mario.
"No! Then how would Wario and them catch up? You guys share the perfect strength!" Mario ruined Luigi's perfect bargain.
"Mama mia like a pizza in jar..." Luigi said.
"Okay, you've really got to stop saying that. It's weird," Baron Brrr said. "Now, how long will it take to get to Donkey Kong Island?"
"Oh, don't worry. It should really only take an hour," Dimmington said, smiling.
"Perfect," Baron Brrr replied. The two lifeboats were only slowly paddling at 1 mile per hour because the two weakest characters, Luigi and Fawful, were the ones paddling. Then, the water in front of them started bubbling.
"What's a-going on here?" Waluigi screeched. Then, a giant squid came out of the water!
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" it screamed.
"Ralll!" Petey Piranha barked.
"You're right," King Boo started, "it's Gooper Blooper!" But at that, Gooper Blooper noticed its good friends and receded back into the water.
"Phew. That sure was scary," Toon Link said.
"Hopefully nothing else can go wrong," Wario announced. But at that, the water in front started bubbling again!
"Uh, King Boo?" Waluigi asked.
"Yes, fool -- err -- Waluigi?" King Boo replied.
"Does Gooper Blooper have short-term memory loss?" Then, a red ocotpus-y thing-y came out of the water-y water!
"Oooooooooooo-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" it bellowed.
"Oh, hoogley-boogley-moogley-ga-hooligaley-brrrrooogley! It's my arch-nemesis, King Kaliente!" Baron Brrr said, glaring at the monstrous Octoomba.
"How do you know that, my fellow tour member?" Dimmington asked.
"Why, his Japanese name is Ota King, and he just said 'ota' right now!"
"Ah. I see." Then, King Kaliente shot a coconut at the group! It missed and hit the water. However, the lifeboats were separated and capsized. Everyone swam over to their lifeboats and were holding on, that is, except for Baron Brrr, Dimmington, and King Boo, who floated over.
"HELP ME!!! I CAN'T SWIM!!!" Luigi screeched out, starting to sink.
"Oh, what is it now, Luigi?" Mario yelled out. There was no answer, because Luigi sank underwater! "Oh, mama mia like a pizza in a bottle..." King Kaliente was deciding on which lifeboat to shoot at first, and he decided to shoot Mario's lifeboat because Baron Brrr was with them! Voosh! It just missed Baron Brrr and landed in the water, causing their boat to go even further away! Luckily for the tour, though, the coconut hit the underwater Gooper Blooper and caused him to go into a fight with King Kaliente! Gooper Blooper used his tentacles to keep Kaliente at bay, and he shot ink at him, causing Kaliente's snout to clog. Now he couldn't shoot coconuts! However, he also couldn't breathe, and so, he suffocated to death. Gooper Blooper struck a victory pose, before receding back underwater. The two lifeboats flipped their boats back to normal and got back on. Before continuing their journey, though, they mourned the loss of Luigi.
"Oh, I never really liked him... He always ate the last bites of my lasagna whenever I went out to check the mailbox!" Mario announced.
"I never liked him because he was skinny, unlike me..." Wario said.
"I hated him because he swooped down and swiped Daisy from me, who at the time, was MY girlfriend!" Waluigi yelled out.
"I always despised him because he was killing my Boo minions. He also sucked me into his super-dusty vacuum cleaner and got me turned into a painting! Grrr!" King Boo contributed to the conversation.
"I hate the green moustache because he ate my pickles and ruined my oh-so-cleverly devised plans!" Fawful quoted. I hated Luigi too, Dimmington thought. He ruined my plan to usurp power from the Count and the Chaos whatchamacallit to destroy all worlds! Grrr... And then, he came back to face me after I sent him to the Underwhere! Gah! He will PAY!!! Eventually, the two lifeboats continued on their 10-minute journey to K. Rool Island because Mario and Petey Piranha rowed faster than Luigi and Fawful.
"Fawful put in the over-time... Fawful did the volunteering... Fawful did the rowing... But Fawful is not the one appreciated... It is this Piranha Bean with petals and green lips! How beanish..."
Within 10 minutes, the crew made it to K. Rool Island, which they thought was Donkey Kong Island.
"Hopefully I don't run into Cranky Kong, the original Donkey Kong..." Mario muttered. Huh... I'll have to resurrect Luigi when the time is right. After all, I can't just let him die by drowning... He has to have a more painful death; be vaporized along with the rest of the universe! ...Well, I guess he did get a more unique death, but... No. I have to do what I must. After all, I am Di--
"Well, since the S.S. Zelda is ruined, I guess I'll have to stay with you guys on your adventure," Toon Link interupted Dimmington's thoughts.
"Right. But, we should hurry and go find the Ultimate Amulet. After all, what if a certain crocodile named King K. Rool has already acquired it?" Dimmington said.
"Somebody page me?" someone asked. Everyone turned around and gasped.
It was King K. Rool!
"Hoo hoo hoo hoo hah! Remember that laugh from Mario Super Sluggers? Ha! My Kremling spies have sent word to me about this 'Ultimate Amulet' artifact that is on Donkey Kong Island in Angry Aztec. And, I heard that I could take over the world with that power! But unfortunately for you idiot-io's, you'll all be trapped in the deepest, darkest, and dankest cell I have in my dungeon! Hoo hoo hoo hoo hah! Guards! Take these idiots to the deepest, darkest, and dankest cell I have in my dungeon!" King K. Rool commanded.
"But sir, that cell already has a 'King of Darkness' prisoner guy in it!" one of King K. Rool's Kritter guards replied.
"Oh, fine then. Put them in the second deepest, darkest, and dankest cell I have in my dungeon! And get General Klump himself to guard them!" King K. Rool yelled back.
"Roger that, sir!" the Kritter saluted. Then, it turned to our heroes, with back-up Kritters coming too. "Prepare to be jailed."
5 minutes later...
"Oh, mama mia! We've been jailed!" Mario said, upset.
"That's already two bad things right after each other," Toon Link said. "First Luigi drowns, now this! Could things get any worse?"
"Why, yes," Baron Brrr replied. "King K. Rool will enslave the universe and the fate of the Brrr Bits in the Freezeflame Galaxy would be uncertain."
"No! I won't allow Lubba to be bullied like that! Just because he's fat and purple and wears pants doesn't mean you bully him!" a voice echoed. "Even though pants are kinda for squares..." it muttered.
"Who in the world could that be?!" Dimmington, Wario, and Waluigi asked.
"It could be that King K. Rool fool!" King Boo explained.
"Blingle-blargle..." Petey Piranha barked.
"Maybe... Maybe it is a certain green moustache I hate so!" Fawful expressed his hatred for Luigi.
"Hey! You there! You The King?" General Klump asked.
"Uh, yeah, sure," the voice replied.
"Awesome! Okay, why don't you take care of these clowns? The keys are on this stool. I'm a-gonna go take a lunch break!" General Klump ran off. Then, the person came closer...and closer...and closer...
"LUIGI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" everyone yelled out. Mario tried to hug him from inside the cell, but the bars got in the way.
"Well, thanks to me, the Green Guy o' Greatness, I am freeing you all from your cells!" Luigi announced.
"Including me?" Ganondorf asked.
"Uh, sure, as long as you are good."
"Yay!" So, Luigi took the keys and freed Mario, Baron Brrr, Dimmington, Toon Link, Wario, Waluigi, Petey Piranha, King Boo, Fawful, and Ganondorf from their deep, dark, and dank cells. "Phew. It's been so long I got the room to stretch my super-awesome, muscular limbs!" Ganondorf announced. Then, the group heard voices echoing from the break room.
"What?! You idiot Klump! I thought you were dependable! March straight back to those cells and make sure that those prisoners don't escape!" King K. Rool yelled.
"Uh, right, boss!" Klump was hurrying back to the cells.
"Oh no! We have to escape, quickly!" Ganondorf said.
"Pip pip! Tally-ho!" Dimmington said, slightly pushing the slower characters ahead.
"Wuh-oh," Klump said after getting to the cells.
"What is it now, Klump?" K. Rool said after hearing Klump's echo.
"Em... They got away."
"They WHAT?!"
"They got away."
"I know that, fool! I was just in disbelief! Gah! I can never depend on you again! From now on, you're being demoted to Janitor! Hey! Kerozene! You're our new General! Anyways, I have to make my way to Donkey Kong Island and take the amulet for myself before hat purple-ish guy does! Toodle-oo!"
"Err, toodles?" Klump asked, confuzzled.
Meanwhile, our heroes had already made it outside K. Rool Island and were thinking of a way to get to Donkey Kong Island.
"We could swim there," Mario suggested.
"But I can't swim..." Luigi said.
"How about we take that giant pirate ship?" Baron Brrr asked.
"Brilliant! Let's go!" Dimmington concluded. "I vote that Toon Link drives."
"Okey-doke!" Toon Link said. The heroes than ran to King K. Rool's Gangplank Galleon, which was just repaired. The group then started sailing towards Donkey Kong Island.
King K. Rool ran out of his lair and saw his boat being sailed.
"Noo! Not my Gangplank Galleon! Grrr! I just got that fixed!" the King said, as if he were going crazy.
"Uh, boss, do you want us to shoot at it? So they don't get that Ultimate Amulet? General Kerozene asked, thinking about the King's secret airship.
"NO!!! I paid 28 a-ba-ga-zilli-jillion coins to get it fixed! No way Jose!" King K. Rool said, crossing his arms. Then, he noticed a swinging rope on the side of the slow ship. "A-ha! I've got it! I'll just run over to my ship and stow on by grabbing onto that rope!" So, K. Rool ran over to his ship and grabbed onto a rope. Following him was General Kerozene and Janitor Klump. "Gah! Not you, Klump! You're so unreliable!"
"Sorry, boss, but I couldn't resist!" Klump replied.
And so, the tour group, the formerly-shady group, Toon Link, and the King of Darkness himself, along with their Kremling stowaways, started sailing towards the very close and nearby Donkey Kong Island. In fact, the voyage would only take 15 minutes. But, the very stupid (according to Mario) Luigi just had to be unable to swim. So, they had to steal King K. Rool's Gangplank Galleon and sail to Donkey Kong Island, which, of course, shortened the trip by 45 minutes. Now, what adventures and mysteries are in hold for our heroes on Donkey Kong Island? Mario hadn't met his old rival, Donkey Kong, for years. And, what kind of booby traps could lay in stock for our heroes in the Angry Aztec? Ancient ruins like that ALWAYS have booby traps like rolling rocks!
"Hey, how did you come back to life anyways?" Wario asked Luigi.
"Oh, I don't know. I just awoke on the beach and read some sentences on the sand that told me that you guys were in jail!" Luigi replied.
"Hey, how about this? Why don't we, after this adventure, go kill Luigi?" King Boo asked Waluigi.
"Sure!"
"Huh? What was that?" Luigi asked King Boo and Waluigi.
"Uh, nothing!"
Meanwhile, in Bowser's Castle...
"Your Blargh-iness! I have news regarding your arch-nemesis, Mario!"
"Spit it out already, Kammy!"
"Oh, you want my dentures?"
"Just tell me news already! Sheesh, blargh!"
"Oh, right. It's just a phrase. Anyways, some Koopa spies pretending to be members of the Kremling Krew have announced that Mario and an ensemble of misfit characters from a floating ice cube to a cartoon sailor to a jester to one of your rival kings to two idiots to a plant to a ghost to a bean are on an adventure to acquire the Ultimate Amulet, an ancient artifact that has the power to enslave the whole universe!"
"Now you're talking, blargh!"
"Right, Your Bowser-iness. Anyways, it's been denoted that this 'Dimmington' guy, Mario's tour guide, is indeed confirmed to be one of your enemies from the past."
"Dimmington? Doesn't ring the bell."
"Exactly. In fact, that is only his last name. Perhaps you'd remember who this guy is if I told you his first name..."
"What is it?"
"Well, he's from the Paper Mario series, just like me..."
"Spit it out!"
"You want my den -- erm, right, it's a figure of speech. His name, it's--"
"King Dad! You bellowed for us?"
"Not now, Koopalings! I know you wanna go to Chuckle F. Cheez's, but Daddy's busy!"
"No, King Dad! NOW!!!"
"Oh, all right, fine then, blargh. I'm sorry, Kammy, but, family fun before boring pep talks with this old lady-hag."
"Excuse me! I'm only 166, and that is quite young for Magikoopa standards! The oldest a Magikoop has died is 98, and that was because a Yoshi named Yoshi ate it!"
"Oh, be quiet, blargh. I'm off to Chuckle F. Cheez's and won't be back until late. These Koopalings grow up fast, and they eat a lot more than when they were Koopa-babies! Bye-bye-blargh, Kammy!"
"Oh, fine then, Your Bye-Bye-Blargh-iness."
"Yay for King Dad! Now, let's go to the Koopa-Mobile!"
"Well put, Koopalings!" Of course, the Koopa King himself was thinking about what Kammy was talking about, mostly the 'Ultimate Amulet' and this 'Dimmington' fellow...
