Update with me (Giant rant - also somewhat personal)

Well, I haven't posted in the longest time (my last recent post being end of Sept. 2016 :p), and I thought I'd update you guys for anyone curious. After listening to Part 2 of the final podcast, I thought I'd tell you guys.

- I'd probably recommend reading this other post of mine first.

I still consider myself a "closet furry" and I've come out to my sisters at this point (not my parents cause they're more closed minded), along with more people in my Smash community, where I'm happily accepted.

- I'm in college (I'M 19 NOW ASDFGHJKL), now in my 4th semester. My first and second did not go well, as a day student and I'd have anxiety issues, feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities. I took CPU Science for my first and wasn't happy and got headaches, so I switched into Social Science my 2nd semester onward. My 3rd semester and now, I'm a night student.
Fortunately, there is the gamer's club at my college and I've made great new friends there and I still wake up early to visit, then stay there until class time. I've gotten a bit into Melee cause of it (they call me Armada cause of my RNG LOL), but I'm still a top Smash 4 player and also gone back a bit into the past playing games like Mario Kart Wii and Mario Party. =P

I'm debating about switching programs again - Into literature cause I've taken a new liking into poetry and hell I've written some of my own poetry, even if it is fairly cheesy and still correlates to my Nintendo fantasies and also some of my personal issues. :p

- With that said, I have been fairly inactive in Smash; due to having class during the weeklies AND also no longer having a consistent internet connection, I haven't been able to practice so much. Montreal is also getting better and better. I'm unfortunately no longer ranked on the power rankings (but looking at the rankings on our host's PC - I'm currently #25 lol) due to inactivity. I also haven't updated my "Smash Tourneys I've been to" topic in FOREVER LOL

- I had an AMAZING pre-birthday celebration with Kels and my friends. There was a tournament on the 28th of January, and afterward we went out to eat. My friend then drove me back. I also got 5th at the tournament and also I'm happy to pull out my Peach a bit more in tournaments! :)
Birthday at Chenoy's! & Me & Kels!

Fighting of the Spirit is such a good song, so is the opening theme
Also I started and finished watching Hunter x Hunter, Code Geass, Sailor Moon Crystal (Season 3) and Death Note, with HxH being my most recent one watched. I'm getting into Stein's Gate though lol

- Still trying to get a part time job and I've been sending out resumes/CVs both online and in person, not so lucky on that part though. =P

- Dad's out of the country once again for who knows how long, nor have I heard contact from him - but I honestly prefer when he's gone just cause he's so demanding and negative.

Now since I mentioned my Nintendo fantasies and anxiety... Remember my good friend, Guard?

- I had a weekly that happened the day before Guard's birthday (this happened on Nov. 19th, back in 2015). I got him a nice gift - a Shine (Fox's reflector) and I gave it to him as close to midnight as possible after the weekly ended. He did love it though, and we hugged and liked my birthday message. It was also kind of a silly reference to a dream I had to - made me feel like part of my dream came true.
He also got a bit more furry cause he grew a nice beard... and more attractive. =P

- We had a regional the week after (it was a 2 day monthly), but...
There was a trolling incident in our Smash community. Basically one of our top players' (Holy) Facebook account got hacked and harassed another top player, Venom - this oddly happened after Venom beat Holy at a tournament in Ottawa.

...And then Guard was suspected of hacking Holy's account. I really didn't want to believe it though. Guard states he knew who did it and gives a giant story on how his "friend" did it but didn't want to give a name (and I thought it was weird he didn't give a name and encouraged him to reveal his "friend" cause that's not what a friend does and is only making him look bad). I even messaged Guard "Guard, I'm not turning my back on you and I believe you", which he appreciated.

But then Kels messaged me saying it was him (at one point Holy used Guard's phone and Guard had access to it), and I broke down. Big time. I thought I was being tested and had to choose between 2 people I really care about... But she told me "I know how much Guard means to you and I wouldn't lie to you Timmy". So I message Guard when I heard Kels' confirmation, and... He's like "nah, no more depressive convos man". It felt like he turned his back on me. Kels told me to stay with her because she would have my back and Venom's too.

Even so... I knew that despite doing this... It wouldn't erase everything good he's done for me.

So Day 1 of our monthly comes, and I talk to him about the incident cause I didn't want to play my sets all stressed out. He told me he did it out of "boredom" and that "I didn't mean to backstab you Timmy, but I have my limit as to what I want to hear. I'm still there for you."
I told him "I forgive you, cause doing that one thing... Doesn't make you a bad person and it doesn't erase everything else good that you did", which he appreciated, and I felt better, so did he.

Day 2 came, and we ALMOST fought in bracket for the first time but I didn't get to cause I had to fight Darkwolf (winner between me and Darkwolf fought Guard - or if Guard lost his first set we would've played). He knew I wanted to verse him so much though. Looks like fate separates us again. :p
After an insane loser's run (I went from the beginning of Loser's bracket, where if I lost I woulda got 25th, ALL the way to Losers top 8 and got 7th) into the evening, I played 2v2 friendlies with Guard, Doom and Ralph, with Ralph as my partner. Guard spoke with Venom about what he did, and he didn't seem like himself cause he didn't seem to enjoy himself as we played and came off a bit salty. As I had to leave, I spoke with him -

"Are you ok Guard? You don't seem like yourself."
"Yeah I am... Thanks for worrying."
"I guess you're still filled with regret... I can't blame you. But you're still not a bad person. And I hope we get to play next time... Take care."
"Thanks, take care."

He posts a giant message stating his regret as to what he did to Venom by getting into Holy's account.

Towards the end of 2015, I messaged him 3 times throughout the month - 1 to reassure him again, 1 to ask if he wanted to play Smash and 1 showing him a preview of my new Smash combo video. However...

A few days before Christmas, I noticed something was up on my Wii U friend list - Guard wasn't there. I then check my Facebook, and I couldn't find or message him; meaning that he blocked me (for seemingly no reason). I wasn't sure why, and I messaged Kels telling her what happened and I was so hurt and confused. I visit her at her work and she reassured me that he lost a good friend and she thinks he's jealous of me. She even told me "he asked me for tips about getting a Youtube channel going and he didn't even thank me", which made me think there was something wrong.

I went to the weekly before my birthday (on January 28th) and had a great time! And hell even Guard showed up, despite not being in the scene actively after what he did. But he DID NOT seem very welcoming. I was like "Hey!" after not seeing him for a long time and went to hug him, but he did not give a sincere hug back. And even when it was midnight and everyone was singing happy birthday, he wasn't LOL. I asked Kels if I should've talked to him about him blocking me (I wasn't so much stressing about it but was curious since I had an opportunity), and she's like "don't. If he wants to talk, let him come to you; don't chase anything that'll hold you back". And I just had a great night overall, and kind of forgot about him.

The next month, there was a tourney in St-Jerome (aka real far from me, but my friend Erra, drove me, Fwed and another guy named Vince there). Guard and Doom came (albeit a bit later cause they had a setup to bring).
Just like before, I didn't feel a welcoming vibe from him. And in fact... I actually got anxiety that tourney and almost collapsed because the fact he was ignoring me and didn't even say my name was getting to me. I wasn't even forcing anything or , I was just trying to greet him and he doesn't even say my name (he's like "you good?", which is not like him) and turns his attention to everyone else. Venom was there and went outside with me cause he noticed I was stressing. Kels wasn't there, but I called her and she reassured me that everything was gonna be fine and I don't owe him anything.

The irony - we actually had to play in bracket in Singles, on loser's side (I lost to Z, and I mostly blame my anxiety >.>). Ness vs Fox, SUPER close both games (both 110% last stock) but I take it over him 2-0. Doesn't even have a comment about how close it was (not even a handshake) and still doesn't say my name. I got 7th place, losing to MrGommi in Loser's (2-1, Rosa vs Ness).

A few days after (and this is a week before another monthly - Polybash), he unblocks me to message me stating "we need to talk Timmy, it's serious". Long story short, he thinks I cling to the past too much and I'm pathetic for that and believing that I envision my future with him (which honestly I never did - yeah there's the gay struggle but I KNEW we were never gonna happen considering age difference, though I take it he got the idea from the fact I USED to love him and admittedly I did enjoy being close with him; both literally and figuratively). He also states "I know you're going around telling our friends about me which is ridiculous" - I'm telling them what you did to me and that it hurts and I needed help to get through it, because I hate feeling invisible to someone (and it feels horrible). I was NOT throwing shade on him or going around to trash talk him when I spoke to the others.

He also added "you still make me feel uncomfortable" (which btw he NEVER told me) and he basically sugarcoated things and lied for my happiness (when I'd speak to him concerning my issues), and ends with "I don't like you and you should not like me".
What's sad is, back when he broke my heart (from being "overattached" - i.e. friendzoning me but I always knew we weren't gonna be in a relationship), he even admitted I did NOTHING wrong. He even knows (and states) I'm not a bad person, just confused and it's normal at my age. I even told him "I don't feel the welcoming vibe that I used to feel from you" and he told me "that's fine cause you shouldn't".

Also, he's picked up Ryu (and I think he's dropped Fox from what a friend told me), and he uses an "EVIL GUARD" tag (I suppose as a reference to Evil Ryu). And, well, I pretty much consider him as Evil Guard now. It isn't just me he's blown up on, even at a South Shore weekly (an area far from me, like 2 hours away), he's even raged and swore toward Kels, despite Kels being so nice and another member (Nuke) was actually fed up with his behavior that Nuke nearly wanted to punch him. He also asked before said weekly, if anyone could bring back DarkAura (who has a godlike Greninja) after the weekly but got no response - he brings him anyway and forces Oreeo (New York player who comes him often) to drive DarkAura back home (Oreeo was driving around Montreal all night, jeez). He's honestly lost a lot of respect, not just from me, but other members of the community too.

To sum up - Guard and I are no longer friends and we're just invisible to each other now (but we haven't seen each other for the longest time now - last I saw him was in June 2016 at a weekly and we did not acknowledge each other but I wasn't stressing, and we're actually both inactive in the scene cause Guard has gone back to school and now he's working full time - what one of my friends told me). It's honestly sad to just hear him go on this downward spiral... :(

But you know what? I'm not holding a grudge, and it's his loss, not mine (and I even told him that too). ;)

So... Yeah. Been heartbroken and hurt by Guard again, and I'm tired of it, and I'm glad I've been sticking with Kels and Kels has been sticking with me. My March break is actually over now LOL, I've been working on a Ness PK Thunder guide (am I sane? I spent like 30+ hours editing at this point and I'm still only about halfway through LOL). I've still had college procrastination habits (I literally count down in hours how much time I have left for assignments - this semester I have 4 classes :p) stick with me and I'm like "I have 7 hours 13 mins left so that means I have 5 hours and 20 mins to play games" :p

I'm also contributing to the gamer's club at my school, and have got some more soundtracks on my phone. I actually have not written poetry in the longest time, but when I do, it's always at night and after I boot up soundtrack to fit the mood. Often times, they're about my dreams (i.e. transforming into Ness and having anime-like scenes OR they're somehow about me and Guard). I feel I took a liking to poetry after some emotional distress I've been through (i.e. what Guard put me through and going through college).